Testing, testing.

It’s strange coming across this old blog now, two years later. It seems I always write when I’m melancholy, but never when I’m happy.

And I’ve been happy in these past two years since I last wrote here, so I guess that explains my absence.

Shortly after I wrote that last poem, I met a very good man. I ended things with him around the 2015 New Year, but not because I didn’t love him.

I happened to meet another fine young man, who I’ve been thoroughly enjoying since the end of my last relationship.

In the words of Foxy Brown:

Ain’t no nigga like the one I got.

Man, I am so glad to be over that single-in-my-30s, unrequited feelings depression shit of two years ago.

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Double Awkwardness.

“Double Awkwardness”

Funny running into you here, my dear
How I had hoped not to see your face again
‘Out of sight, out of mind’ had been working well for me
And yet here we are now, sharing the same evening plans

A toast, to dispel the awkwardness
A dance, because why not
A smile, because to grimace would be ungraceful
And I am all about grace under pressure

Let’s have fun
Just for this one evening
Because when it is over we shall part ways again
Out of sight, and out of mind.

May 27, 2013

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That Awkward Moment.

That awkward moment when the guy who turned you down because he wasn’t ready for a relationship tells you he’s in a relationship with someone else.

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i know…

i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know,
i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know…

i’m gonna leave the young thing alone
but ain’t no sunshine when (he’s) gone.

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resentment.

nov. 4, 2012.

bitterness and resentment is a difficult thing to remove, it seems.
i always thought i was good at managing my emotions.
but this young’n is kind of getting the better of me.

if i can’t learn how to efficiently deal with the feeling of unrequited emotions, then how could i possibly help others deal with it?

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Maturity.

It’s better to be older. I love the mind I have now. Youth is kind of a silly and annoying place to be in and I never want to go back to that level of cluelessness.

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Freddie.

Attended the wake of my friend Freddie Cadiz earlier this evening. He was a Puerto Rican born Vietnam War vet, Democrat, artist, moocher of cigarettes and Metrocards, and local Lower East Side hustler. We’d often walk down Rivington Street together whenever he was on his way to visit some friend or the other for beer or picking up something.

His last words to me, in August: “You look beautiful. Take care.”

LES ain’t the same without you, Freddie. 1947-2012. Rest in peace, friend.

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Ageing.

Ageing…is somewhat like the gradual onset of winter. During the spring and summer months you sort of dread the idea of it being freezing cold later in the year. But gradually the days start getting shorter, and the winds start getting a little colder. And little by little your wardrobe starts getting heavier and before you know it, you’re walking through the snow every day. But by then…you’re used to it already.

I had to put on a hoodie when I went downstairs for a smoke just now. I would have groaned at the idea during the summer, but once I was outside I guess it wasn’t so bad.

My raven hair is starting to show a couple of white strands. And it is starting to get cold out there.

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